It Sounds As Bad As It Feels

Joe Veen weeklymoleskine.com

What does it sound like when a spirit breaks?

Is it similar to a snap, a rip, or is it like an explosion?  Maybe it is better described as the imploding of self.

It’s indescribable, actually, but it is instantaneous.  One minute we’re fine, the next minute we’re not.

I push myself hard in all areas of my life.  There are only two speeds – fast and faster.  I choose to pile my life’s plate until it spills over.  It works for me.   It is physically, mentally, and spiritually impossible for me to slow down.

And that’s why I run.  It helps to consume that extra energy that tends to shoot out like missiles in all directions.  Ironically, running is the only way I can get myself to tone the energy down somewhat before it builds back up again.

To top it all off, I tend to soak up the energy around me – positive and negative – and when I am already on the verge of erupting, this can lead to some serious danger levels.  You know, kind of like that contraption that the Ghostbusters used to catch the ghosts?

One day, after a particularly challenging day of listening to my sons fight, their words bouncing off the walls of my small office, I felt the shift.  Something was horribly wrong.  Only once before did this happen, but it was so long ago, I didn’t recognize the signs.

I knew enough to cut the day short, but instead of heading to the sanctuary of my home and seeking refuge there, I instead headed to the lake where I met with a friend of mine.  I knew my walls were cracking and this was probably not a good idea, but I went anyway.

We talked quite a bit about life, relationships, people, our past, and before I knew it, I told my friend things that I didn’t dare reveal to myself.  Things that scared me, things that hurt.  I unloaded it all, grateful that my friend didn’t turn away.  After that there was nothing left for me to purge.

I went home feeling empty and beat up, so I crawled into bed and curled up under the covers for two hours.  My son checked on my every 15 minutes, truly worried for me.  Never had he seen me like this.  Hell, even when I had pneumonia a few years back, I don’t even think the family knew I was sick.  But this…this was more intense, more debilitating.  I had broken.  I had split open my tightly sealed lock box that had been fused shut with the heat from my pace.

My mind and body had told me all that I needed to know.  I need to slow down and let go of some of the pressure.

Will I heed that advice?  Probably not.  I’ll take it into consideration, though.  These things take time.  But at least I know that, though I’m not fragile, I can break.

With all we have going on as writers, bloggers, mothers, fathers, day job workers, etc., how do we know when to draw the line?  Do you take time to decompress before or after the meltdown?  I’d love to hear from you!  I think we all could use a little advice!

Feng Shui – It’s Not Just for Rooms Anymore

I read a quote on Twitter the other day by @Perlkvist:  “Giving up can mean you are weak.  However, it can also say you are strong enough to let go.”

The first step...Photo: Epinions.com

So I lined them up – five Rubbermaid containers – the big ones – and filled them with all the things that just didn’t work for me anymore; the residua of procrastination and a marriage gone south.  I smudged the rooms with sage to banish the negative energy, cleaned the cobwebs from the corners, and read books on Feng shui for the house.  I de-cluttered and simplified my life.  The qi was definitely moving in the right direction.

Then I’d step out of my cozy little nook and hang out with my friends and I realized I didn’t always have that same great feeling.  I found myself avoiding conversations with some and avoiding eye contact with others.

There is a woman I encounter on a daily basis.  At first our conversations flowed easily enough, allowing the energy to exchange in a positive way until one day I noticed a slight shift.  I can only assume it was because we were becoming friends that this person felt comfortable enough to start unloading the negative suitcases from her baggage cart, but it got to the point where I would ask, “Hey, how’s it going today?  Wait.  Don’t answer that.”  I would steer clear of any verbal triggers that might set her off, taking our conversations spiraling down tunnels I never wanted to go.

"Wanna hear how my day is going?" just-pooh.com

And it wasn’t just her.  I have more than one Eeyore shuffling their feet around in my orbit, and talking with them – hell, just being with them – is absolutely exhausting.  It throws me off balance.  After a particularly stressful encounter with one of them, I knew what I had to do…

I had to do some Friendship Feng Shui.

It is my nature to be the peacekeeper, the one who placates people and smoothes ruffled feathers.  Being the perpetual optimist, I try extremely hard to find the good in people, but when subjecting myself to their negative qi threatened my sanity, when the relationship used up my precious energy, I had to draw the line.

Delete, delete, delete.

The process was ruthless, painful, and felt absolutely incredible.   I even had to inform certain family members that being part of my family was a privilege, not a right, and forcing me to deal with their hang-ups was not an option.

As social creatures we gather for coffee at Starbucks, meet over lunch, and hook up on Twitter and Facebook.  We share hobbies, sporting events, and conversations over wine.

Throw into the mix the 40-hour work week (and that includes the job of “Motherhood” that goes on 24/7), social/sporting activities, household responsibilities, and family time. And if you have a hobby or second career going on, that’ll pretty much tap out the well.   At this point, an energy budget is just as important as a financial budget.  We need to carefully choose where we allow our energy to flow in order to avoid a deficit.

With such a large network of friends and family, we are bound to have one or two in the group who make us want to click the “Block this person” or “Delete” button.

Those are the people my friend, Theresa, labels The Energy Vamps.  You know who they are. The chronic complainers.  The half-empty-glass people.  The ones who insist on bringing the planet and everyone on it down to their level just so they can have guests at their pity party.

It could be in the way they sigh a little too loudly or give us a smile that falls short of genuine.  All we know is that by the time we walk away, we need a nap, a double shot of espresso, a double shot of tequila, or at the very least, a week in a decompression chamber.

Any relationship should be mutually beneficial, bringing out the best in us, encouraging us to reach our full potential.  It took me awhile to realize that, no, I’m really not that bitchy or impatient.  I’m just that way in the presence of some people – the same people who no longer hover in my orbit.

You know that saying: “You can’t fly with the eagles if you’re swimming with the alligators.”  Well, look up in the sky…that’s me up there, soaring with my peeps.

Photo: rlrouse.com

So where are you?  How do you handle the Energy Vamps in your life?  Are you in need of a good Friendship Feng Shui?  What is the best part/worst part of cleaning out your friendship closet?    Leave a comment!  I’d love to know!

Shapeshifting – The Ultimate Social Skill

Shapeshifters.

Women are drawn to them.  Men fear them.  Usually depicted as gorgeous otherworldly men with flowing hair, broad shoulders, rack-abs, and nice….um, fitting jeans, these extraordinary beings can change at will into a wolf or a bird of prey or other creature in order to protect loved ones from enemies of the most vile nature.  In their world, it’s all about survival.

In Christine Feehan’s Dark Series, the race of Carpathian men shift into huge birds, leopards, and even mist riding on the wind, in their struggle to keep their rare breed from dying out.

Jacob and the boys from La Push Indian Reservation shapeshift into werewolves in order to fight the vampires.

In novels, it is usually about life and death.

But what about the rest of us mere mortals?  In our day-to-day life we may not have life or death choices to make, but we still have the need to survive, don’t we?  Some people have beliefs and routines that are engraved so deep, even a train blasting down the tracks at top speed couldn’t make them step aside.  It is a type of survival, to protect what they hold close in the face of what they consider to be a threat to their very soul.  There is no question as to where they stand in any issue.

For the rest of us non-confrontational folk, there is another path, one that is inherent in all of us.

Enter the real-life, modern-day shapeshifter.

Most of us have encountered those people who can move through the day, interacting with just about everyone and befriending them all, regardless of anyone’s position or focus in life.

Those are the people who seem to have so much charm and charisma, that when their attention is focused upon us, we feel like they are speaking our language and can relate with what we are talking about.  We’ve seen it – the nodding of the head at the perfect time, the lighting up of the eyes at something we say, the mirroring of our thoughts.  We may have never met them before that moment, but we feel like we have known them forever.

It is quite possible they are shapeshifters.  That is not to say that they aren’t being sincere, because they are.   They are genuine in their intent to slip inside whatever world we occupy.  They are people who have mastered the art of calling upon a certain attitude and persona in order to serve them in any given situation.  They could be salesmen, politicians, waiters, business owners, good friends, even family members.  The ultimate peacekeepers and socialites – anyone who has a goal in mind or has a desire to keep everything on an even keel.

Shapeshifting is an ability we all have, one that we have used since childhood – knowing when to put on a face of happiness or a look of concern, when to be apologetic even if we don’t believe we are wrong.  If we can call up our energies to adapt to any change, if we can adjust our behavior in order to achieve a particular goal, we are shapeshifters.

This is the magic that takes place not on a physical level, but on a psychological and energetic level.  Anyone can discipline himself or herself to tap into the world of shapeshifting.  Some are just more motivated than others.

So tell me.  Do you ever find yourself putting on a different face or saying just the right words to fit a situation?  Do you ever feel yourself becoming someone else for even a short time?  How many shapeshifters do you know?