Before you read on, remember I came from a place where I was ripe for rebellion and I did things just because I could. My overall nature was nice with some bad-ass honey badger attitude mixed in. For me, rules were merely guidelines and I walked that line of appropriate and inappropriate somewhat sloppily. I still do. I am a hopelessly unorthodox kind of a person. I may not always play by the rules, but I am nice about it. So, that being said….
1. In high school I was a forgery expert. As you all guessed, a definite yes. I was especially proud of the accuracy of my mother’s signature. In fact, I found it extremely helpful for excusing myself from classes. I think when the school finally caught on, my mother came after me with like 20 or 25 notes. Yeah, I paid for those dearly.
2. In the 1980s I made Tijuana runs and snuck bottles of Everclear grain alcohol back across the border. Some of you couldn’t see me doing this, but the answer is yes. I was usually the driver. And, August, for the record, I am lucky to be alive. We almost got ourselves arrested once, but fortunately we were able to take care of the “fine” with el policía there on the street. How nice of him, no? The road trips to TJ pretty much stopped after that.
3. I helped organize a relief effort for Hurricane Katrina survivors in 2005. All of you, except for one (Toria…I’m shocked! Just kidding, cousin) were correct. Yes, I did actually start a fundraising campaign, but my sons saw it through, adding their own twist on the effort. I bought the cookies and candy for them to sell, but they added to it by doing odd jobs and collecting cans. In total, they raised $1000 to send to the Red Cross. The local news station did a story on the boys (I even had the chance to say a few words) and my sons ended up with new mountain bikes donated by a local bike shop.
4. I snuck backstage at a UFO concert back in the 1980s. Yes. The problem was by the time my friend and I maneuvered past security, the backstage party was over and the entourage had moved on. Epic failure.
5. In college I cut my hair within inches of my scalp as a dare from my sorority sisters. No, no, no. But I was part of a sorority – the bitchiest sorority on campus – but I really didn’t like it, being the non-conformist that I am. I just did it because I wanted to see what it was like. I will tell you about the craziest haircut I did have – and there are no pictures to confirm this, so if you tell anyone outside this circle, I’ll deny it – I did have a cut that resembled a *cough* mullet *cough* hairstyle – and I dyed it purple. Okay. There. I said it. But know that it didn’t last that long and I wore a hat until it grew out.
6. I slept in the gutter outside of my college dorm after a particularly wild night. No. But I came really, really close to it. I was within puking distance of my dorm, but I was in such bad shape – you know the world spinning really, really fast kind of bad – that the gutter was incredibly tempting. The frat boy who I was with that night was an ass and wouldn’t take me home. He had left me to find my way back. I managed to get inside, but not in my bed. I ended up on the couch in the common area. I’ve never touched gin again since that night.
7. While working in the Security Department in college, I was a model employee. No. But I did a good job, actually, and worked with a great group of people. Now, I didn’t set out to be so deviant. I saw opportunity and took it. I worked in the dispatch office…as in documenting the security officers’ activities, as in knowing where they were at all times, as in being able to direct them to different locations on campus, as in having keys to locked doors…
8. I stole a moped. No…and yes. Guilty by association. My boyfriend at the time thought that I needed some wheels of my own so he “found” one, re-painted it, and gave it to me, swearing the guy who used to own it moved to Japan and didn’t want it. I believed him (sort of) and made good use of it. Until, that is, the real owner came back and recognized the moped that I had parked outside the security office. When the police came by to question me, my roommate swooped in, made a huge fuss over me, claiming me to be insane or something, got my boyfriend to deal with the police, and took me home. To this day, I wonder how we got cleared of that one.
9. I used to make cookies and distribute them to residents in retirement homes. Ha! I threw some of you with this one. Despite my ongoing culinary deficiencies, I did actually do this for a time. And for the record, Yatin, I said I made them. I didn’t say they tasted good, though I hope for the senior citizens’ sake, they did. Why did I do this? Well, those people were starved for contact with the outside world, and I tried to just reach out, if only to a few. I didn’t do it for too long, though. I was pregnant with my second son and the visits sometimes took too much energy – emotionally and physically.
10. My college roommates and I had were very thrifty and furnished our apartment with stolen furniture. Okay, Richard, you can stop swinging those handcuffs now. I’ll go quietly. Yes. My roommates and I did swipe a few choice items. Mostly from the men’s dorms, but also around town – plants, cool cocktail glasses, silverware, small tables. This is where #7 came in very handy. By sending security to one end of the campus, my roomies where at the other end. I also had access to the kitchen, which was great because we often had no money to pay for food. I mean what do you expect when we spent every last cent we had on our alcohol and coffee? A few years later, though, in our defense, we returned a lot of the furniture back to the men’s dorms. (Jimmy, the statute of limitations on this one is three years, so I’m good.)
Fond memories, some of them, and there are many more that shall remain in the past. I’m much more reserved these days, hopelessly responsible and considerate, though that Wild Child is still a huge part of me…
Thanks for playing along everyone! So, who is next????