Looking For Love In All The Right Places
Image: psychologytoday.com
My childhood was fairly isolated. I had no social life to speak of and only a couple of friends because my mother was terribly overprotective. I was even isolated from extended family. My dad wasn’t fond of my mom’s side of the family, so my brothers and I were effectively cut off from cousins and aunts and uncles. We’d go years without speaking to them. It was pretty pathetic.
I grew up, but outside of my wild college days (when I made up for lost time), my life continued to be isolated, especially a few years after getting married. Not by choice, mind you, but there was work, family, and more work, expectations, and mistakes that took precedence over a social life.
I fell into a rut. Working at home made the isolation even worse. I could go days without leaving the house. I never had a chance to make new friends.
Image: docresults.com
And even though my father wasn’t around to forbid me from calling my cousins, I didn’t try to rekindle those relationships (please forgive me Toria and Maria!). I figured since they all lived so far from me, how could I develop a relationship over the phone or through email? It just wasn’t the same as seeing them in person. I avoided reaching out because, if I wasn’t going to do it right, I wasn’t going to do it at all.
That was before July 2011. After July 2011? A totally different story.
So what changed for me?
This week I’m blog-sitting for Elena Aitken (one of my cyber sistas) while she’s on vacay. I’m headed over to her blog right now to finish this discussion and I’d love for you all to follow me over there because I want to tell you all about how I’ve come to appreciate the beauty of having cyber friends…
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Posted on February 23, 2012, in Blogging, Cyber Friendship, Family, Friendships, Relationships, Social Media, Twitter and tagged blog, cyber, cyber friends, cyber friendship, Diana Murdock, Diana Murdock's blog, Elena Aitken, Facebook, friends, isolation, social media, twitter. Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.
Snooby,
So very glad you are in my life now! The past 3 1/2 years have been wonderful with you in my life! Love you cousin! xoxox
Thanks, Toria. I feel the same way. But you know that, right?
Beautifully written, Diana.
So good, Diana! I just read your post over at Elena’s! We do have an amazing cyber-family. Sending you love and hugs!<3
We are something else, aren’t we Patricia? Taking your love and hugs and holding them close!
Have I told you lately that I love you, pretty Diana? You are my friend– cyber or otherwise. You have done so much for me!
My heart be still. I love you too, Dannie. I am grateful to have you in my orbit. One day I hope we meet face to face.
Hi Diana,
I can relate to how work, family, and more work can take a toll on your friendships if you don’t make an effort to cultivate them. So happy things changed for you after July 2011!
Thanks, Traci! Taking Kristen’s class changed my life. 2012 is going to be incredible!
I loved your post on Elena’s blog, but now, reading the story behind it, I feel sad for your childhood. I was lucky to have an incredibly social and loving childhood (and early adulthood). But lately, I have to say I relate to you. Previously, working from home in my own community meant setting my own hours, including the social ones. But in the past two years since I returned to Australia from NYC, my partner and I have moved States six times. Most of the cities we’ve lived have been new to me. So, working from home has been incredibly isolating and for the first time in my life, I’ve known loneliness. And a little bit of resentment, if I’m honest, that Mr B goes off to work and makes new friends while I am alone in the house. He laughs at me about “your blogging group” but this group of friends has been wonderful for me, too. That, and I am learning to be more proactive about getting out and saying “hi.”
It all changes with each phase of our lives, doesn’t it, Naomi? I’ve finally shed myself of restrictions and now finally feel able to embrace my friends, online and in my city. Some people cannot understand how important contact is, especially with those of us who work at home (such as you and I) with no meaningful contact with others. As writers I think we are more vulnerable to feeling the lack because we do feel so much.
I am so grateful to all of my friends. They are all so diverse, from all walks of life. One day, I plan on visiting as many of my online friends as possible. You included, Naomi…..
Awww, we love you Diana! I’m so sorry your childhood was isolated and that you feel constrained now to reach out to your cousins. Mine was the opposite and now I kind of wish it had been more isolated, or maybe I could’ve been an only child. The grass is always greener, I think.
I, too, am so grateful for taking Kristen’s class. It got me out of my internal loop of negative speak and made me be more social online. I talk about my WANA sistas every day and in the most unusual and fun ways. You’ve become a part of my lexicon and I only wish we lived closer so we could meet up a few times a year.
Huge hugs and all the love in the world to you, beautiful lady!
I’m amazed at how well we all clicked and to have such a strong bond across the miles! I’m always talking about the WANAs too! I will get down there one way or another, Tameri! Sooner than later! Hugs back!
I was never very sociable either. I’ve always felt more at home with friends in cyber space than at parties or big get-togethers.
I’ve lost contact with most of my friends and even some members of the extended family when I moved to the US. Some of us tried to continue writing and calling, but, after a while, those long-distance friendships don’t seem strong enough to continue. I miss these people in my life, but I’ve also made some new and wonderful friendships here, where my new home is.
July 2011 was a beginning of this amazing breakthrough for me. Diana, thank you (again and again) for telling me about Kristen’s class and recommending her book, We Are Not Alone. You are the blessing sent from heaven, dear sis! Love you bunches.